Today’s the day to bundle up. You’re going to need all those layers of clothing to absorb the impact of getting trampled at your local Walmart. Happy Black Friday, everyone!

It’s that time of year again, when you can turn on the news at any given moment and watch hordes of people who’ve been camping outside a store finally get their chance to bum-rush the entrance, then race through aisles to grab the latest marked-down iGadget. Like staring at a car wreck, you can’t look away. Gawking at such scenes in horror and disgust, you think to yourself, What is wrong with these people?

It’s easy, isn’t it? To sneer with repugnance at this show of savagery. These animals scrambling to snatch a 50” flat-screen TV—as you watch the Hunger Games play out on your own 50” flat-screen TV. Thank goodness you’re nothing like these idiots.

But you are. You like electronics and clothes, too.

And you’re not. You have time and money to shop when and where and how you want to shop.

In other words, while you can afford to stay home this weekend, others can’t afford not to. May the odds be ever in your favor.

And so, to everyone who sanctimoniously preaches that people should ditch consumerism for what really matters in life this weekend—you know, dead turkeys, trans fat, elastic waistbands, and family arguments about our Muslim president—get over yourselves.  Continue reading “Black Friday Shop-Shaming” →